The Politics of Resentment Smells like the Mommy Wars

Even though I've been a member of the Democratic party since I first registered to vote (whew, that was a loooong time ago), I've never considered myself particularly partisan. I married a conservative, I lived in a small red town in a big red state for years, I heart George H.W. Bush. And, *wait for it*, I really respect John McCain, and I'm a mite jealous of Sarah Barracuda.  (Yes, I know I'm calling her by her nickname, and no, this is not an attack but an awed admission that I think it's cool for a woman to be able to proudly wear a moniker like that.)

If anyone's been listening to the candidates speak, both have been throwing the lofty word "bipartisanship" around. And when they say bipartisanship, I get the feeling that it means that once the election is over, regardless of who wins, these two Senators (one being the President-elect) will go back to Washington and revive their convivial friendship. See, I still remember, back when the primaries were just getting started, Obama's genuine and warm words toward McCain's work in the Senate and McCain's principled on-the-air defense of Senator Obama, declaring that Obama is in no way, shape or form, a terrorists.

But what is so unfortunate is that while the candidates get to go back and be colleagues and dust off their bruised egos and chalk all the ick-factor up to the necessary tactics of the modern campaign, what they leave behind is an angry, seething country, wounded along fault lines we didn't know existed or weren't so visible until the politicians began to exploit them for all they're worth.

Paul Krugman talks about the resentment strategy in the NY Times today (and yes, I know I get no credit for quoting this, because the NYT is the newspaper everyone loves to hate).

[I noticed, watching the Republican convention speeches,] how much of the anger on the right is based not on the claim that Democrats have done bad things, but on the perception that Democrats look down their noses at regular people.

Krugman blathers on, but I really think he nailed it in this one sentence. When the Republicans call Obama and his supporters "elitist", they don't mean born to wealth, or rich, or educated, or well-dressed, or Hawaiian, or even well-spoken. They mean condescending. The Republicans think we (and by we, I mean Democrats) are condescending.

The Democrats have not done a very good job of dispelling this perception. I was talking to my gun-toting, church-going, Palin-lovin' Texan friend yesterday (who, btw, is extremely well educated) and he said, kind of in passing, that although he enjoyed hanging out with "you east coast types" (meaning, me) because the conversation is interesting, that he just can't get over how presumptuous we are thinking that we know better how to solve the problems of [sub here: the economy, health care, education] better than the free market. And he's kind of right. All we Democrats can know for certain is that the current system (under the free market) is broken, but we can't possibly know that we have a solution that will make it better and not worse.  A little humility here wouldn't hurt.

Of course, the right is not nearly as self-reflective as they think they are either. Because where they resent the blue state liberals for taking their money and funding programs they don't believe in, they have no problem with taking blue state money and funding programs they do believe in.  Or adding a bit more government intrusion into personal lives if it fits their values agenda.  A little less sanctimony here wouldn't hurt. 

Every few months on the mommyblogosphere, there is a flair up of the mommy wars. The SAHM, WAHM, WAWM, WTFAIMs all get in a tizzy defending their choices because someone out there makes a grand generalized statement about some subset of moms and then some group gets all defensive because they feel condescended to or judged upon. Then we talk (or blog) incessantly, and we cry a bit, and then we say, frak, everyone has to make a decision that makes sense for their life and their family, please let us not personalize it, and then we all hug and go home friends. Right?

Ok, we think the stakes are bigger here, but isn't politics the same thing?

As mothers, we get angry by the insinuation that we are not doing right by our children. As citizens, we get angry by the insinuation that we are not doing right by our nation.

So where does that leave us?

Well, we can start by putting away the anti-American labels. Because I know that there are plenty of Americans on both sides of the political spectrum, including two lovely candidates and their lovely families, that love this country. Love it fiercely and deeply and sometimes unconditionally. Love it like I would kick in the teeth of someone who suggests otherwise. Because how dare you think that all of us working and mothering women would take the time to put up this site, read this site, fight in the comments section, dig into the issues if we didn't love this country and want to make this country great? Srsly?

There can be no monopoly on loving this country.

We can start by not trolling in the comment section, not reading insults that aren't there, not making the insults that are there. And we start by saying things like: I'm going to vote for Barack Obama because I believe he has a better grasp and understanding of the economy than the combined Republican ticket. And that's what I believe this country needs for the next four (eight) years. I liked McCain because he learned from the humiliation that was the Keating Five by crusading, as best he knew how, to separate government from special interest. But I have no faith in his ability to pay down the national debt while cutting taxes. I don't like Sarah Palin because she wants to drill in the ANWR and I'm a lifelong environmentalist. And yes, I am jealous of Governor Palin because her gifts will get her far in politics, and my gifts will only get me as far as this post. But I don't hold it against her.

And we can start by understanding that positions on cultural issues are deeply personal, and people are not "stupid" or "immoral" simply because they take one side or another.

Because we cannot forget that after Obama wins (or after McCain wins) and the media has moved on to the next new thing, the voters that voted for the other guy will still be here, will still be our neighbors and will still love this country.

Kady is usually not so navel gazely but is always patriotic over at her blog Wonkess.

Comments

[Mom101]

You make me want to be a better woman.

[Rox]

I (a registered Independent) really enjoyed reading this post. Well said!

[deb]

damn, Kady. feeling pretty fucking humble right about now (and rightly so).

thank you.

[Stefania]

You make me want to be a better woman, too.

Next week. (This week I'm too pissed.)

[cynematic]

What you're saying is constructive and I'm trying to hold onto it.

But the fact remains, Palin, Giuliani, and others at the RNC gave a red meat speech to fire up their base, and unfortunately Republicans have shown they thrive on ignorance and intellectual dishonesty to carry the day. Not just this election, but past elections. Otherwise why so many blatant distortions and outright falsehoods this past week?

They thrive on the politics of provocation. They don't play fair. And I hate to say this, but I think many Americans don't want to know facts or don't care about them.

Here's where Obama is the better human than I: he has faith in his approach and in the American people. From what I can tell, he sincerely believes that most people will make the best choice for themselves, and if only he can show that Obama-Biden is the best choice, they'll win this election. I'm awed and humbled by that faith because try as I might, I don't quite share it. (Maybe I need more Republican friends? ;) )

In the meantime, I do what I can to be an effective counter to the lies and distortions. Because not winning this time is not acceptable. If I ever need reminding why, I look at my almost five year old son's face and add 13 years and the prospect of a gun in his hands and time spent overseas to fight somewhere. In the end, with the past 8 years the GOP has shown me that Bush thinks war is good for business (so long as you work for Halliburton), and McCain hasn't shown me any different.

I wish I could see it differently. But there it is.

[Annie]

I agree in principle with what you're saying - however in practice it scares me how many people will swallow as fact everything that was dished out at the RNC last week. I am scared by the number of people who share the rancor that was spat out by some of the speakers - the fact is not everyone takes the time to really understand the issues, and the candidates stand on them. How else can the election, and re-election of GWB be explained. I'm not being snarky in asking that - as an 'outsider' now living in this country - I still can't figure that one out!

[Gunfighter]

Well-sasid, and clearly heart felt, but...

I'm a soldier in the politico/culture wars. Everyone else can put down their bayonet a play nice, which is exactly what the other side wants. Democrats and those who lean Democratic have, for far too long, gotten soft and weak when it counted, and if you don't believe me, see the last two Presidential elections.

Not this time.

I don't plan to quit punching until we win.

We can share the blocks later.

[Donna]

Beautifully said, Kady. I will endeavor to remember that the gun-totin' Bible-thumpin' Republican Jewish union member cowboys in my community are my neighbors and vote against their self-interest not out of stupidity, but because they think it's right for the country. And then I'll continue to scratch my head because for the life of me, I cannot understand why they feel that way...

[Daisy]

Well said. I am disappointed in McCain; he's worked in bipartisan manner with my home senator, Russ Feingold (D-Wisconsin), but all I see now is the toe-the line party man, and that's not the person I need to see in the Oval Office.
Obama really has a grasp of what's happening in America, including middle class struggles that I see every day.

[always home and uncool]

Sarah Palin essentially used her kids as physical and political props for the past week. Way to go, mom.

[Lacie]

I yearn for a more civil society. I struggle daily trying to achieve a goal of loving my republican neighbor as myself. However, I know republicans. Hell I'm the only progressive in family full of Rush Limbaugh fans. It is hard to use your inside voice and turn the other cheek when your restraint is viewed as weakness and only seems to invite ridicule. After a certain amount of abuse the instinct is to go on the offensive and give as good as you get. Of course that doesn't make it right, but it would be so much easier to show respect in the face of opposition if that opposition didn't sucker punch you in response.

[Nicole]

Its far too easy to have an "eye for an eye" view. I think Obama/Biden are taking the right track: focus on policy, not personality.

And at the end of the day, remember, the goals are generally the same; what people in democratic countries disagree on is how to get there. And this is why democracy works better than other systems: so long as you have agreement on the goals, you can disagree on how to get there. That's what elections are for.

[Lacie]

Nicole I have to respectfully disagree with the idea that at the end of the day the goals of Republicans and Democrats are generally the same. Just as one example. I live in Texas where the red ozone alert days come far too often and doctors regularly warn to keep children and the elderly inside. A good bit of the smog in the Dallas Fort Worth area owes its existence to industrial emissions from a small number of cement, manufacturing, and energy or waste disposal corporations in Ellis County. Ellis County is in Republican Congressman, Joe Barton's district and Joe Barton really likes "big bidness" as Molly Ivins used to call it. PACs working on behalf of these corporate polluters in Ellis County have been very generous with Joe Barton. Eager to return the favor, Joe Barton has worked tirelessly to enable these guys to actually boost emissions of smog-causing pollution. Barton's rationale for eliminating basic air quality standards is that they are "not scientifically justified or economically sensible." Joe Barton is such an advocate for corporate polluters that he was referred to by the Dallas Morning News as "Smokey Joe".
Perhaps I am biased, but I watched COPD rob my grandfather of his ability to breath. Every red ozone alert day in Fort Worth was agony for him until his death. Naturally my goal is to impose stricter standards on corporate polluters. Since "Smokey Joe" continues to get elected it would seem that Republicans in his district have a different goal when it comes to air quality. Protecting "Big Bidness" is paramount and worrying about air quality is just tree hugging crap.