Not My Grandmother's Christianity

The following is a guest post by occasional MOMocrat contributor Amy Corron Power, who also blogs at Another Wine Blog.

I have spent the better part of my life trying not to feel anything. It wasn't because I had a horrible childhood – I didn't. It wasn't because bad things happened to me – they did, but I'd been perfecting the fine art of “not feeling” long before that. Perhaps it was because the family motto was “Never Bring Undue Attention to Yourself.” Or it might have been that there were too many other people emoting in my house while I was growing up – and the only emotion not being used was anger.

So I did that at home – anger. But not the throw-a-fit kind of anger. Not the screaming and yelling kind of anger. But the kind you stuff deep down inside. The kind that gives you migraines. The kind that makes you eat too much. The kind that makes you stick needles and pins through your skin. The kind that makes you put yourself in dangerous situations and then believe you either caused it, or deserved it when bad things happened. Bad things like rape. Domestic violence. Living with a raging alcoholic who liked to leave and come back and then leave again.

The kind that makes you believe the song “Jesus Loves Me” does not apply to you. Oh yes, Jesus does loves some people – just not “you,” that is just not me.

I left the circus of anger and self-doubt. My life is no longer the Roller Coaster of Hell perpetuated by the Carousel of Bad Relationships. I have a loving husband, a pretty decent outlook on life, and I no longer tolerate any sort of abuse. And most of the time, I believe Jesus loves me.

What makes me furious, now, is that after it took me years of therapy to get past that feeling of unworthiness, of nothingness, of feeling that I didn't deserve love -- not the love of a man, not the love of friends – not the love of God – that a group of self-loathing, judgmental, self-proclaimed ultra-right wing conservatives have made me suspect anyone who advertises themselves as a Christian.

It's to the point where I cannot attend church without leaving extremely angry. Symbols of my faith make me nauseous, uneasy, and make me run away. People whose twitter biographies include “Loves Jesus” “Christian,” “God” or “faithful servant of Christ” make me want to “unfollow” them, or block them altogether.

The billboard I see on the way home every day advertising "Marking Our City" "150 Ft. Cross Coming Soon" fills me with outrage: Marking our city? You mean my city? You mean "marking" as in the dog that urinates on another dog's yard to "mark his territory?" Said cross, which is no longer "Coming Soon" but can been seen glowing in the distance like something out of "Children of the Corn," fills me with revulsion.

All because for twelve years a group of people initially billing themselves as the “Moral Majority” (but were actually an “Evil Minority”) took over the United States infiltrating the government, the churches, the public schools and the media.

These are people who love the fetus but hate the child. Who talk about God's love but spread lies and hate. Who not only misquote the Bible, but have actually rewritten parts of it to justify their hatred of individuals who truly are moral. Individuals who, whether Believers or non-Believers, actually practice the principles recorded in the Bible (before it was adulterated) as taught by Christ.

One of my twitter buddies sent me a link to a website run by these Agents of Hate. This site bills itself as “Shelley the Republican” and blogs about all the people God Hates. The site actually has a “hit list” of all the people that God should smite or according to “Shelley” already smote (which the author adds “God won” and lists how the person died) for the most ridiculous, backwards, ignorant and misinformed reasons that can possibly be given. (Don't take my word for it, you can read it yourself if you Google Shelley the Republican.)

These are the folks who hope upon hope that President Obama will fail. And they need to be called out, admonished and exposed for what they are – cowards. Because most of these folks never leave a real name anywhere on their vitriolic spew. I'm all for the government not regulating speech – and there will always be for them an audience of the fearful who lap this stuff up like the Rabid Hounds of Hades themselves. But it's time that we stop allowing them to use their twisted interpretation of the “mind and will of God” as an excuse for their evil diatribes. It's time we ripped away the curtain of false Christianity that they hide behind.

And it's time to firmly say to them, “Get Behind Me, Satan,” as Jesus said to Peter in Matthew 16:23, because they are serving that master, not mine.

Comments

[Jill]

I have just ranting to myself in the shower about this very thing yesterday. Do you have my bathroom bugged? Of course not, because you said it much more eloquently than I could have. It is my contention that Jesus would be shamed and embarrassed to know what people are doing in his name. The people who call themselves Christians using the loudest voices are generally the least Christian of all, if you're, you know, assuming that Christians actually follow the teachings of Christ. The media needs to stop pandering to these people and call them on the carpet, or just ignore them altogether. I won't go read Shelley's website because I don't want to give "her" any more hits than she already gets, but I can believe there is such a site out there. It's sickening and maddening, and like you, makes me want to turn and run from anything that labels itself Christian. I know there are good people amongst that group, good churches, good leaders, people who want to do good for others. But how can you tell them apart? How you tell the difference between a charismatic leader and a true believer? And I love the title of this piece, by the way, because my Grandma was the best example of living life after Christ's example I've ever seen and nothing that today's so called religious right/loud-mouth Christians do even resembles her interpretation.

[Florinda]

Thank you for a post that sums up so many of my own feelings. I usually claim that it's my response to organized religion in general, but in my more truthful moments, I'll admit that it's a reaction against certain people who treat their professed religion - which usually is some variety of Christianity - like an exclusive club. They may know how to talk the talk (and how!), but they're not living it, which it seems to me is missing the point. And personally, I'm just a little suspicious when anyone claims to know what God thinks about anything, especially when that claim sounds inconsistent with teachings about the Christian God.

Very well said - thanks!

[cynematic]

Another fabulous post.

I believe it was the delightful Anne Lamott who said, "You can tell when you've created God in your own image when he hates all the people you do."

ZING!

& RA-men, from your friendly neighborhood Pastafarian

[Lisse]

(Sigh!) Amy,I so hear you on this. I wrote a whole post a while back about how I couldn't call myself a Christian because the word and the Word had been co-opted by people who were way more into the power of God than the love of God. These people keep forgetting that they are not the ones who decide who gets into Heaven.

[Amy Corron Power]

Thanks everyone for all the great comments. When I returned home from hearing Nathan Pacheo sing at the MOM2.0Summit my "feelings" were already almost in my throat, and this sort of spilled out.

I keep trying to explain to my mother "WHY" I cannot go back to church -- it has become an Alien Nation, and I have no desire to apply for a Visa.

[Paul Bahleda]

Man Amy, while you express yourself aggressively I have to say you're right on the money! I went to Jesus for help in overcoming alcoholism in 2002 and the experience I had was life changing, incredible and absolutely nothing like the "Christian" community had led me to belive. When I share what I felt with these "people of faith: I either scare the hell out of them or they accuse me of being blasphemous.
Poser's Amy, that's what makes you crazy. Especially when they act as if they have the authority to tell you how to live your life while practicing something different for themselves. I will share this with you: Those "Christians" seem to have forgotten the concepts in the New Testament because if your read and understand it, Jesus felt the same way about organized religion that you do!

[Amy Corron Power]

Thanks Paul. When I met my husband, he was so not into organized religion. He was very much a student of the Bible, and saw the disconnect between what was going on in the New Testament and what was going on in "church" And since I'd not yet encountered much of the "meanness" I kept trying to get him to go to church. Eventually he relented and went. But then I started seeing the same thing he had. While we had a great Sunday School Adult Class, the church itself was going down the road of so many others he'd attended. We eventually left when they refused to let Friends & Parents of LGBT group meet out in the open on a Sunday. We've tried to change the church from within -- but sometimes it just doesn't seem possible. Sad. Thanks for sharing your story!

[Jessica]

Thank You

[Ginny]

It is so nice to see that people that do believe in God actually see this. Your post is wonderful.

[jaYne]

i just read an article in SALON.com and ..um..you kidding..huh..gasp
couldn't utter much for a moment or so..
it felt like twisted, knarly claws tore the breath out from my lungs after reading..so i had to rush over here to MOMocrats to feel 'safe'..and lucky me "Not My Grandmother's Christianity" was the head-liner..thank you
i'm not fearful of religion as it is intended or any GOD, but the content relegated in the missive, titled below, is what gave me, surprisingly, a sense of trepidation..
the realization that terrorism is alive and spawning and not only 'over there' but has been right here in our backyards breeding from a sector of our own people..way too close for comfort..

"Rush Limbaugh is the leader of the Republican Party" is title of article

i know of the article's subject of course, because he is no small an infamous entity, but also i never listened, unless inadvertently, to more then a few blurbs or so from him, as we don't recieve his radio call letters here..so it was like daggers making my ears bloody when i actually absorbed the substance of this behemoth 'main' character, along with his ilk, whom presume attitudes 'based' on conservatism and deemed from 'christian' tenets..as 'this shining light' of theirs is obviously blinding them it also makes glaringly clear to others that the 'base' is not a philosophy, but a snarling group [of wolves] that freely and wantonly 'uses and abuses' christianity to their advantage, thinking they cloak themselves in righteouness when instead it is a sheer sheath so thin that it is astonishing in it's ability to be adorned with so much materialism, dripping with judgements and entitlements and so liberally permeated in stench of lies of hypocrisy..
with the bellowing and antics and semantics and the daily pounding into so many willing of this valueless spirituality, i pray not many get scooped into that void..
the 'huge' main character of article also declares himself a messenger, who bestowed upon his self, so grand a title..doesn't the messenger realize the Sender doesn't appreciate being bandied as a personal agent attributed such vile venom..
the Sender should get a cut or something in return, for the messenger's entitlement to unauthorized services..a trip to hell for messenger seems appropriate..
geez, but these people of 'gawd' are frightening..they are crucifying HIM again..but concern is for my dad which also makes me feel comcern for others who practice this type of preaching, so, i will not accept that it is a right or priviledge of another to administer such poison without my antidote of defending peacefully JESUS' words..
i hope it comes out peacefully anyway as the thickness of some skulls may require a sledge hammer..
i feel better now..thanx MOMocrats

p.s. standard reminder-
beware of what you wish for
you will get it and then some..
i mentioned in another post that conservatives/christians should get out more..
oh my word..the grant was bestowed me, covered in crapping wrapping..just didn't expect it would be delivered so fast nor
ridiculously over-sized..or over-bloviated, over-priviledged, over-the top, over and over and over, and i wish..er..[maybe i shoudn't wish] but it would be sweet if they were OVER and DONE with

have a good one~

[Gunfighter]

It's all about hypocisy, isn't it?

I, too, am bothered by Christians who spend their time hating (not they will call it hate) others while claiming to follow Christ. In my mind, you can't have it both ways.

[Melissa]

Yikes, that was intense and while I appreciate your honesty, I'm one of those conservative right wing Bible thumping Christians who love Jesus and try real hard to love people, too. I'm not sure what church you went to that had people that treated you so badly, but we're not all like that. I'm not big on organized religion (I don't think Jesus was big on it either) but I believe there is just as much judging going on against Christians (demonstrated in part by some comments on this post) as there is by Christians. Perhaps we all need to look a little deeper than the "titles" we give one another.

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