The following is a guest post by occasional MOMocrat contributor Amy Corron Power, who also blogs at Another Wine Blog.
I have spent the better part of my life trying not to feel anything. It wasn't because I had a horrible childhood – I didn't. It wasn't because bad things happened to me – they did, but I'd been perfecting the fine art of “not feeling” long before that. Perhaps it was because the family motto was “Never Bring Undue Attention to Yourself.” Or it might have been that there were too many other people emoting in my house while I was growing up – and the only emotion not being used was anger.
So I did that at home – anger. But not the throw-a-fit kind of anger. Not the screaming and yelling kind of anger. But the kind you stuff deep down inside. The kind that gives you migraines. The kind that makes you eat too much. The kind that makes you stick needles and pins through your skin. The kind that makes you put yourself in dangerous situations and then believe you either caused it, or deserved it when bad things happened. Bad things like rape. Domestic violence. Living with a raging alcoholic who liked to leave and come back and then leave again.
The kind that makes you believe the song “Jesus Loves Me” does not apply to you. Oh yes, Jesus does loves some people – just not “you,” that is just not me.
I left the circus of anger and self-doubt. My life is no longer the Roller Coaster of Hell perpetuated by the Carousel of Bad Relationships. I have a loving husband, a pretty decent outlook on life, and I no longer tolerate any sort of abuse. And most of the time, I believe Jesus loves me.
What makes me furious, now, is that after it took me years of therapy to get past that feeling of unworthiness, of nothingness, of feeling that I didn't deserve love -- not the love of a man, not the love of friends – not the love of God – that a group of self-loathing, judgmental, self-proclaimed ultra-right wing conservatives have made me suspect anyone who advertises themselves as a Christian.
It's to the point where I cannot attend church without leaving extremely angry. Symbols of my faith make me nauseous, uneasy, and make me run away. People whose twitter biographies include “Loves Jesus” “Christian,” “God” or “faithful servant of Christ” make me want to “unfollow” them, or block them altogether.
The billboard I see on the way home every day advertising "Marking Our City" "150 Ft. Cross Coming Soon" fills me with outrage: Marking our city? You mean my city? You mean "marking" as in the dog that urinates on another dog's yard to "mark his territory?" Said cross, which is no longer "Coming Soon" but can been seen glowing in the distance like something out of "Children of the Corn," fills me with revulsion.
All because for twelve years a group of people initially billing themselves as the “Moral Majority” (but were actually an “Evil Minority”) took over the United States infiltrating the government, the churches, the public schools and the media.
These are people who love the fetus but hate the child. Who talk about God's love but spread lies and hate. Who not only misquote the Bible, but have actually rewritten parts of it to justify their hatred of individuals who truly are moral. Individuals who, whether Believers or non-Believers, actually practice the principles recorded in the Bible (before it was adulterated) as taught by Christ.
One of my twitter buddies sent me a link to a website run by these Agents of Hate. This site bills itself as “Shelley the Republican” and blogs about all the people God Hates. The site actually has a “hit list” of all the people that God should smite or according to “Shelley” already smote (which the author adds “God won” and lists how the person died) for the most ridiculous, backwards, ignorant and misinformed reasons that can possibly be given. (Don't take my word for it, you can read it yourself if you Google Shelley the Republican.)
These are the folks who hope upon hope that President Obama will fail. And they need to be called out, admonished and exposed for what they are – cowards. Because most of these folks never leave a real name anywhere on their vitriolic spew. I'm all for the government not regulating speech – and there will always be for them an audience of the fearful who lap this stuff up like the Rabid Hounds of Hades themselves. But it's time that we stop allowing them to use their twisted interpretation of the “mind and will of God” as an excuse for their evil diatribes. It's time we ripped away the curtain of false Christianity that they hide behind.
And it's time to firmly say to them, “Get Behind Me, Satan,” as Jesus said to Peter in Matthew 16:23, because they are serving that master, not mine.