I don't have to support Hillary just because she is a woman so save the guilt trip for someone else.

I had an online back and forth with a woman tonight who is passionate in her support for Hillary Clinton. She had that Hillary video posted and I commented in exactly the same way I did in that linked post that I thought it was a "sad attempt at 'forced inspiration.'" (If you share a link on Facebook, people might comment.)

She countered, "Oh goodness. 'Forced inspiration is Obama's entire game.'"

Then she added, "Also, it saddens me so much to hear another woman sickened by the candidacy of the first potential female president. We women have faced so many obstacles in this world, and it makes me so sad that those obstacles are put in place by other women."

Okay, now. You know on the right sidebar how it says that the opinions here are those of the individual poster and not of the entire group? Please take heed because I'm 'bout to go off, and my opinions on this matter are my own and no one else's. Today is not a good day to fuck with me, because I got opinions like a mutha and I ain't afraid to blog the shit outta them like it's my JOB. (Oh wait, it is!)

First of all, I'd love to point everyone to my response to these allegations, but I can't because my comment has been deleted. I also can't because the exchange was on Facebook and not everyone has access, so let me just show it to you and you can read it for yourself:

Second of all, "sickened?" When did I say I was sickened by Hillary Clinton's candidacy? She must have me confused with some other hater.

Note: This not about which video was lamer.

Now, I have already written at length about how I could not support Hillary Clinton. It was hard for me to rehash some of that stuff, but I did it anyway. My decision is intensely personal, as all political decisions are, and I didn't enter it lightly. My bedside table is stacked with books about Hillary and Bill Clinton that I checked out from the library. I read Peggy Noonan's book, The Case Against Hillary Clinton (A Republican's wet dream, take with heaps of salt) as well as more "flattering" tomes about the Clintons penned by more sympathetic biographers. The one I am waiting to read it is Bernstein's A Woman in Charge; my library will ping me when it's available. If she is going to be our next president, I want to know as much as I can about her.

I already voted in my primary--I voted for my first pick, John Edwards. If I hadn't, I would have been undecided until late the evening before Super Tuesday when it was the watching world that convinced me that Obama would make the best leader.

In picking Edwards, I was voting for change. Turn Washington upside down, shake out all the rubbish, flip it over, and start again change. To my mind Hillary doesn't stand for that kind of drastic change so the natural progession for me was to decide to put my support towards Obama. I am a progressive, she is too centrist among other things. For me, I cannot throw my desire for radical change out the window and suddenly vote for a woman because it's a woman's turn or a it's historic decision or she wears impeccably-pressed pantsuits or whatever the reason may be. No, I am for overhauling the system full stop, and, thankfully, there is another choice besides Hillary Clinton.

When I said the Hillary video was "sad," I was not saying that supporting her is "sad," or her campaign is "sad," or that her supporters were "sad," and I certainly did not expect to be admonished for betraying my gender by not voting for a woman. It's true--in the entire history of our country, we've never had a woman president. Because for the 20 years since I cast my first vote I have only ever been presented with male candidates, I have learned to look at the issues first. Gender wasn't an issue then because it wasn't a choice—there has never been a viable female presidential candidate. Now that I have a choice, it's STILL not an issue because I am still voting issues and values and my conscience.  And my conscience dislikes Hillary Clinton intensely.

It is undeniable that she is divisive. UN-DE-NI-A-BLE. She is not described that way for naught, and she only has herself to blame.  What this country needs right now is unity and healing, and when I look at the entire world to see how they are viewing us, what the world thinks matters. We are all citizens of the world, not just the United States. I think we are ready for a bold president who will represent Americans as a caring, open-minded, open-hearted people.

Finally, the woman also wrote at the end of her response to me: "What is 'sad' is me breaking the news to my almost 5-year-old daughter that a woman has NEVER been president, even though we make up half the population."

Since I'm feeling a little, oh, feisty, I could respond to that by saying that politics aside, there has never been a television show about an Asian "Huxtable" family. It sure would have been nice to see Asians represented on TV the way I grew up: in an educated, well-off household of 4th generation Americans whose grandparents didn't even speak Korean. But no, we are all dry cleaners or bodega owners or manicurists. I can't think of many Asians that have ever been nominated for an Academy Award (Ken Watanabe, Ang Lee and...?) And yet somehow, we must endure. At least there have been female UN Ambassadors, Surgeon Generals, and Secretaries of State. What do Asians get? Long Duck Dong from Sixteen Candles, the guy from Heroes who has to talk with a put-on accent, and "Me love you long time." Quick! Who's the Secretary General of the U.N.? Anyone? I rest my case. But I digress.

I have two daughters ages 5 and 3. They were born post-9/11. You bet this election is important to me and that fact has a lot to do with it. My girls are watching the goings-on with curiosity. After the first rounds of primaries and caucuses were over, my 5-year-old--knowing her father and mother supported Edwards exclaimed, "Why does Barack Obama have to win everything? Can't he let someone else win just once?" As we drive down the street, she reads the yard signs. She knows who Hillary and Obama are and we have broad, "little kid appropriate" discussions about the election.

Am I going to sit her down and tell her that never has there been a woman president and boy isn't that shameful? No. No I am not. I don't need to have a five-year-old's sympathy because we've never had a woman president. If she asks, I will gladly tell her, and I will tell her that Hillary Clinton is trying to be that person. Right now she knows that boys and girls have an equal shot at everything they attempt in life from writing stories to making cool Lego creations to winning a soccer game. My daughters both know that they can be whatever they want to be.

As I said in my response above, do I want my daughters to see a woman president in their lifetime? Do I? Of course I do, and I mean it when I say that I won't hesitate to vote for Hillary Clinton against the Republican candidate. I will just hold out my enthusiastic support for a woman candidate when a better example for my daughters is running.

So please, lady (ANY lady): do not try and shame me into supporting Hillary Clinton. Check your hypocrisy at the door and do not put words into another woman's mouth that she did not speak. (Isn't that "an obstacle put in place by another woman?") Do not imply that I am betraying my sisterhood by not voting for a woman. This sister stood up for Hillary Clinton when her husband made a fool of her. Repeatedly. This sister is a thinking, feeling, informed, and opinionated woman who knows how to think for herself, and most importantly is raising her daughters to be the same.

I am at peace with my decision. You can take that to the...White House.

Comments

[Lauren G]

Support Hillary because she will be able to get the most done in our entrenched political system! We need more than starry eyes for Obama for that...

[Lane K Ann Arbor]

For several months the main stream media has encouraged "tribal" identifications by writing story after story about who black Americans vote for, who women vote for, who Hispanics vote for. This may be the legacy of Karl Rove's politics by divisiveness and numbers. But I am not buying.

I think it is time for us to look at the issues. I don't deny that our own identities focus our awareness. As I look at the issues, I think, for the most part, like a mother. I am looking for a candidate who will comprehend the long, slow work of nurturing a strong society rather than a candidate who wants to rob and neglect the shared infrastructure. I'm looking for a candidate who has ideas about how to encourage what we want in society rather than ideas about how to punish people into some sort of compliance. I definitely think like a woman and a mother. Then I look at the candidates, their ideas and their records, and I decide which candidate will be able to put forward the agenda I believe we need.

In this case, I believe we need a president like Barack Obama. I was supporting Edwards, for all these reasons. I would be happy to support a woman candidate, in fact I can think of several who would fit my view of what our society needs. But H. Clinton does not. She may be a woman, but despite the well-rehearsed tears in New Hampshire, she just doesn't think in the nurturing way I need the next president to be able to think.

I definitely don't feel guilty about that. I feel very strong and in touch with my feminism.

[Stefania/CityMama]

Lane K: thank you for intelligence.

Lauren G, I feel like she is entrenched herself, ergo part of the problem. I only decided 2 days ago to throw my support to Obama. Not enough time to become "starry eyed."

[Glennia]

I thought feminism was about giving women choices, not forcing them to choose based on gender.

[NotSoccer Mom]

wow, i agree with you so completely. you've put into words what i've been feeling for so long. thanks for that.

[AMom]

If you think that young Obama is going to be able to infiltrate the current American way of doing business, you are seriously naive. Neither candidate will be able to drastically change the way things have been undone over the last 8 years -- it will be a matter of fixing the messes and just trying to get this country back to a state of global respect. It's not about supporting a woman -- and who can force you to do that, anyway? It's about supporting someone who can get the job done -- and in this case I personally think Hillary has the record. Then, the dem after that can start to make change. This is my first visit here and thanks to your post -- responding to a private conversation -- it will be my last. Sad.

[lildb]

Please, will people PLEASE stop referring to Obama as inexperienced? He's had put in more total legislative time than Hillary (even if some is at the state level - it still effing counts).

And, Stefania, I know she's not there yet, but I believe my friend, Lela Lee, of Angry Little Girls and lots of film/tv credits, will eventually break through - and Margaret Cho is doing a damn fine job of ruining people's expectations re: proper Asian-woman behavior, too. Anyway, here's to hoping. It's certainly overdue.

[Cheryl]

Thank you! Thank you for putting in such eloquent terms what I want to say. As a feminist, I think that it is irresponsible to vote for Hillary Clinton simply because she is a woman and does a disservice to those who have fought to earn us the right to have a say. Voting is a right and everyone should exercise that right, but we also have a responsibility to choose wisely and put thought into our decisions. I believe that being a feminist gives me the right to choose who I believe the best candidate is, regardless of gender.

I still don't know who I will be voting for because my primary isn't until May and every candidate I've seriously believed in has dropped out. I may not know until I have my ballot in my hands. But I can assure you that I will not base whatever decision I make solely on someone's gender (or race, religious affiliation, height, weight, or favorite color either!).

[Defiantmuse]

LOL. Right on, sister. You did not say a single thing I didn't agree with.

[Frank S.]

I am a while male. Nobody would ever DREAM of asking me whether I want to vote with my race (Hillary) or with my gender (Obama). It would just be a ridiculous question.
And it's ridiculous the other way around, even though the press doesn't seem to think of it that way...

Great post for keeping the focus towards the issues here.

[Stefania/CityMama]

Frank S.: That is exactly what I am talking about.

[yourmamma]

Right on...Stefania! Now, if Hillary were a woman we could admire, sure... we'd be behind her...but too many scandals behind her..NO EXPERIENCE...and she should have kicked her husband out of the 'house' when he humiliated her in front of the world. No 'WOMAN' I know would stand for that disrespect. They are so phony it is unbelievable how they keep on trying to fool everybody.

[Lia]

And this is why I love you so!

[elisa]

hello. okay, so I'm a lurker and I'm coming out. I stumble upon your blog sometime ago (about a few weeks now). I have to say I really appreicate your blog. I'm glad that you are as opinionated as your are, that you do your research, and that you are open to debate. I also find it awesome that you just let it all out in this post. Good for you. :) Thank you for keeping this blog updated and for supplying links. I haven't really cared all that much in the past for politics. This year is different. This year I definitely care. This blog has really helped me to take an interest, good and bad. Thanks.

[elisa]

hello. okay, so I'm a lurker and I'm coming out. I stumble upon your blog sometime ago (about a few weeks now). I have to say I really appreicate your blog. I'm glad that you are as opinionated as your are, that you do your research, and that you are open to debate. I also find it awesome that you just let it all out in this post. Good for you. :) Thank you for keeping this blog updated and for supplying links. I haven't really cared all that much in the past for politics. This year is different. This year I definitely care. This blog has really helped me to take an interest, good and bad. Thanks.

[Amy S.]

Glennia, my sentiments exactly. Stefania, you have to go read "I'm a Woman. So What? Give me Issues" (Jan. 8) on Mommy Needs Coffee. It's one of my favorite laugh-out-loud posts on this very subject.

[Lawyer Mama]

Woot! Thank you, Stefania! I'm getting sick of getting grief for not voting for "the woman." I'd LOVE to be able to vote for a woman. But it's about the best candidate for the job and who can win, not race or gender.

Geesh, I bet you never thought you'd be accused of being "starry eyed" for Obama! I really hate that I have to give up my first choice (Edwards) but I'm coming to terms with it.

[Jules]

I can't believe someone actually referred to you as "starry-eyed". Heh. Obviously they haven't been following this website very long.

Love,
Your new local Obama delegate! All the way!

[cynematic]

CityMama, WORD. Seriously. I just got this off my chest too.

It is possible to be a feminist and support Obama for president. I don't appreciate mainstream media trying to box me into neat little identity politics categories, and this Asian American feminist doesn't appreciate other feminists trying to do the same.

I don't want a President I can "identify" with. I want a President whose demonstrated commitment to and record on progressive politics matches my priorities.

Cynematic