Chuck Hagel Whispers Sweet Nothings Into My Ear

...While John McCain Continues a Greased Slide to Hades on the Handbasket to Hell Express.

Normally I'm all about the haterade for Republican shenanigans like transferring wealth from the poor to the rich, but occasionally someone across the aisle will say something that warms my heart. In the case of Senator Chuck Hagel, it's not the praise he has for his fellow senator Obama, or his urgings to keep political discourse out of the mud, but, as reported by Sam Stein in The HuffPo:

when asked to respond to rumors circulating within political circles that the Bush administration was ginning up the possibility of war with Iran, the Senator even raised the specter of impeachment.

"You've got the power of impeachment, now that is a very defined measure if you are willing to bring charges against the president at all. You can't just say I disagree with him, let's impeach him," said Hagel. An attack on Iran without Congress' consent, he added, "would bring with it... outstanding political consequences, including for the Republican Party."

Chuck, that's like sending me roses, champagne, and the finest Belgian chocolates on Mother's Day--then topping it off by asking the mariachi guys to serenade me with a special request while you shamelessly indulge me by ordering fresh tableside-made guacamole at my favorite Mexican restaurant, and personally massaging my feet. I mean, impeachment for launching a third unasked-for, unauthorized war? Sweetie darling, you're giving me the vapors. Keep this up, and I may have to say more nice things about you.

Not so for Senator McCain, however. Coal in your stocking, and maybe also some of those nuclear power plants you seem to think are so "earth-friendly" (NOT). I don't suppose nuclear power industry lobbyists got to help you write legislation that proposed to give away huge subsidies to the nuclear power industry, did they? Because that's exactly what happened on the Energy Policy Act of 2005, and the revolving door for one legislative aide/lobbyist who helped write that bill whirled so fast, it was hard to tell backside from frontside of Alex Flint.

McCain, did your lobbyist/campaign staffers write your latest policy platform? We'll always wonder. Because you seem to have an inordinate number of them advising you. Some of them have left under political pressure, like the two guys who lobbied on behalf of the Myanmar junta--you know, the pseudo-legitimate government that, until recently, kept international emergency aid supplies from their own people after a terrible cyclone devastated much of Myanmar.

But two of the worst offenders are still officially on board the McCain campaign: Charles Black and Rick Davis. Charles Black: advisor to Reagan. 'Nuff said.

Davis, manager of McCain's campaign, recently issued a dictum saying that anyone connected with the McCain campaign must have resigned their lobbying position effective immediately. Which is so cute--and freaking hypocritical, given that when Davis was managing McCain's unsuccessful presidential campaign in 1999, Davis himself was still representing two major telecom corporations that had mergers pending FCC approval. Guess who was on the Senate Commerce Committee at the time, and approved the mergers? You betcha, Davis client-candidate Senator John McCain. Or more recently:

In 2003, Davis was president of the Reform Institute, a nonprofit focused on overhauling campaign finance laws. The group, based in the same building as Davis' lobbying firm, paid him $110,000 in consulting fees that year. McCain served on the institute's board; Davis was then the senator's chief political adviser.

That's more back-scratching and convoluted limbs with hands washing each other than the aftermath of an orgy.

Davis' proclamation has left some hurt feelings and huffy outrage among McCain supporters around the K street corridor where lobbysists congregate in Washington, DC:

It was a small band of loyal lobbyists who stood by presumptive Republican presidential nominee John McCain last August when his campaign went broke and his White House aspirations seemed doomed.

They raised money for him under impossible odds and kept him company in budget hotels during his darkest days.

Now they are under siege as McCain purges active lobbyists from his campaign team in a quest to wrest the reformist title from Democrat Barack Obama, his likely opponent in this fall’s general election.

...

And there’s this thought from another McCain supporter: “I find it a little offensive. It was good enough to get my $2,300 donation. If we’re not good enough, then send my check back. It pisses me off.”

Geez, my heart is breaking for ya, lobbyist dude. Maybe McCain should send the checks back. That would certainly be one example of campaign finance reform that the senator has long trumpeted as proof of his "outsider" and "maverick," "populist" status.

Cynematic blogs at P i l l o w b o o k.

Comments

[Julie Pippert]

Hang on I will be right back. Must go finish uncontrollable laughing fit over your title and two opening salvos. Greased slide. Money from poor to rich. BWAHAHAHA

All I can add is don't forget that while they rob the poor to feed the rich caviar they tell the poor it is their fault for not doing more exceptionally to be rich too because it's all fair and equal on this level playing field of dreams.

The rest? Sheer brilliance and total agreement from me.

[jaelithe]

Chuck Hagel is the kind of Republican I can get along with.

Chuck Hagel has also been known to hint that he might switch teams.

Political teams, that is.

He's on record criticizing the Bush administration thusly: "I have to say this is one of the most arrogant, incompetent administrations I've ever seen or ever read about."

My favorite Hagel quote: "To question your government is not unpatriotic — to not question your government is unpatriotic."

[Debbie]

It was already pretty awesome, and then I read this:

"That's more back-scratching and convoluted limbs with hands washing each other than the aftermath of an orgy."

and I promptly wished I could have a permanent mini-Cyn to carry in my pocket. forevah.