Top ten reasons I'm done with this John Edwards affair (and why you should be too)

Wow. Activist and former presidential hopeful John Edwards had an affair. Two years ago he had an intimate relationship with a person with a made-up name who is so interesting she dated Jay McInerney and became a featured character in one of his books. (Alison Poole in Story of My Life, for the record, and not a particularly flattering depiction, but then, some of us know how exes can be. Fellow writer Bret Easton Ellis was also struck by Druck/Hunter/Poole, and included her in one of his books, too.)

That's right; I called her an interesting person. Not a slut. Not a ho bag. Not a home wrecker. I find that language sexist, offensive, and frankly? If I did it, I'd have to think of myself as a Mean Girl.

That's also right; I called him an activist and politician. Not a jerk. Not a cheating liar. Not anything worse. I find that unconstructive, and frankly? I don't give a damn.

That's right. I said I don't give a damn what sex Edwards had. Nor do I care with whom or where or when or how. It's none of my business.

Most adults have had sex. Some of it was poor choice, a mistake. It doesn't define us, or it shouldn't. If you've never made a sexual error, I bet you've made some sort of error. I have, plenty. It makes me reluctant to cast stones, and it makes me realize we can't define ourselves or our abilities solely by the mistakes we have made.

Speaking of adults, sex and mistakes, I'll be honest and tell you if a man is running for office, I assume he's got skeletons in his closet, usually of the affair sort. For some men, it's the sort of woman who launches two great books. For others, it's cops in the bathroom in the Midwest. For others, it's a string of women after a traumatic POW experience.

Let's grab that word trauma for a second. One of the questions I've seen asked most is, "How could he do this? Why why why? I mean, after all his family went through, his wife with cancer, losing a child, how could he do this?"

I have no idea. But I have heard that a lot of trauma and stress (work, health, grief) can cause people to seek an escape hatch of some sort. In other words? Your question just might be your answer.

So I'm not going to vilify him. I'm also not going to vilify her. In fact? I'm all done with the Edwards affair and I hope you are too. I'm even finished with discussing how it trickles down and affects other candidates and overshadows issues.

I have control over that. I'm not going to let it, and I hope you do the same. To that end, I'm going to give you ten good reasons to be done with this.

10. Karoli's spectacular case for why this was a bad decision but still doesn't need to be the discussion lead:

What frustrates me most about this so-called scandal is the distraction it creates from the real immorality rampant in our government today.

Did you know that so-called violent detainees were put into casket-like crates as part of their interrogation? Did you know that DOJ documents released last year and augmented recently prove that the Bush Administration intentionally corrupted and politicized our justice system?

No, you heard that John Edwards got in bed with someone who wasn’t Elizabeth and screwed himself silly and then dared to try not to have that news be public. How downright rude of him. How immoral. Really?

9. We can get past much, much worse and focus on issues that actually affect us in a real way, every day. (Why oh why do Democrats always feel so compelled to talk and talk and explain? Look to the master and just say "don't be daft, let's not be worrying about mowing the lawn while there's a war on.")

8. Speaking of war...did you see the thing about invading Pakistan?

7. What about the other really scary thing about Georgia and Russia? Georgia has officially declared war on Russia.

6. I know you didn't see the thing about offshore drilling.

5. Because if you had, the Tweets last night (other than the understandable Olympic ones) would have been yelling in outrage about the fact that it seriously looks like McCain sold out his support for offshore drilling for $1.1 million.

4. The discussion also would have been full of concern about this energy bill compromise, and the offshore drilling. It's an energy crisis, we're told. Right now, the GOP is winning the PR (which in this case I use euphemistically to mean LYING THEIR ASSES OFF) war to convince the American population (73% of you!!!!!) that offshore drilling is (a) the right solution, (b) a quick solution, and (c) will drive down gas prices. Guess what? Isn't. Isn't. Hasn't (or rather, hasn't enough to justify the additional expense). It takes a lot of time, money and expense to develop that oil harvesting. Some estimates say seven to ten years---intriguingly the same amount of time Republicans say developing alternative energy resources will take.

Wake up folks...we can drill offshore, and the price at the pump might go down marginally, but you will pay in other ways: increased pollution (right now estimates are the higher prices have saved 2,200 lives due to decreased emissions), increased environmental disasters, and higher prices to pay for our kids...do I need to go on? Because I can. Should there be a compromise? Possibly, but I think the real compromise that needs to be made is by us.

3. This information about campaign finance should-be-a-scandal and other oopses was delivered humorously, and I laughed, until it hit me, oh my gosh, this is all true and really happening. And then I wasn't laughing.

2. We are at war. On that front, there might be some good news, some slight ray of hope for a positive outcome. But, of course, there is also bad news; this has been a really bad summer in Afghanistan.

1. It's not our family and they've politely asked us to cease the harmful voyeurism and respect the family's privacy and dignity.

Set aside this issue. Don't make it personal, or internalize it. John and Elizabeth Edwards can still be effective policy leaders for essential issues such as poverty and health care solutions. Let's let them be.

Let's turn our attention to those issues, and the other ones in this top ten list, and let's pay attention to what's happening in our world. Gossip can be mindless and entertaining, and moral opinions can be easy to have and share, but it's time to get back to what really needs to be done: taking care of our nation, and through that, taking care of ourselves and our communities.

I find myself far more outraged over policy immorality. So let's fix that. Time for change.

Comments

[Missives From Suburbia]

I think you're right that it's an unnecessary distraction when there are far bigger fish to fry, and I could probably list 10 more reasons myself why the country should spend time focusing on issues other than John Edwards. But I think it's unrealistic to expect people to give up the story in less than 24 hours, given that he didn't just lie to his wife, but to an entire country as he ran for the highest nation in office.

[PunditMom]

You are right on so many levels. The only problem is the media system is what it is at the moment and politicians should at least have enough smarts to know that and do what they can to steer clear of giving the media sensational opportunities that they will take.

I hate it, but it is the reality, so Edwards and all others should remember that when they make bad decisions -- when that gets covered, it takes away from the real stories and issues.

[Natalie]

Honestly, the fact that John Edwards had an affair doesn't bother me as much as it should in a moral sense, but it does in a political sense. The republican spin machine is bound to somehow use this to make a statement on Obama. Ha! Conspiracy theorist much, Nat?

I'm more irked with his irresponsibility than I am with what he actually did. If things were that traumatic (and I KNOW they were), he should have taken the high road and bowed out of politics. He had a career outside of that, he should have used it.

I completely agree that most if not all politicians have skeletons in their closets, the problem is that when you have people that are nasty enough to want to ruin you because of those skeletons, you need to be more responsible than the average person; not only for your family, but for the people who believe in you. I'm sure his supporters feel like he spit in their face right now. This man just ruined his political career whether we like it or not and all of that time and energy spent supporting him was wasted. I *think* that's where the outrage is coming from. I was rather indifferent about him myself.

Now, onto the offshore drilling situation. I've found that education can really make a difference, because a lot of people are actually willing to listen. There are a few hard heads that won't listen no matter what, but I've found that by just educating the people around me (like my mom and friends) about what offshore drilling REALLY means, I'm able to sway their opinion on it. It irks me to no end that these politicians are taking advantage of Americans like this. They KNOW it's going to do very little good, but they want the White House and they don't care how they get it. They'll just keep telling people that democrats are a bunch of tree huggers to cover up the real facts.

[Houseonahill]

HERE, HERE! WELL SAID! I couldn't agree more ~

WE should petition the news media to stop this brand of news NOW! I am SO sick of it. We have to go to outside sources to get what's really going on in the world that is affecting US!

ENOUGH!

[bill]

Powerful people tend to assume that they have a pass from God on morals. As this demonstrates, again, they do not, and should not. I can certainly agree that we can be done with this particular sleazy episode, but we cannot and should not be done with the realization that candidates have to be examined, and closely.

[Tracy]

Well said, Julie.

I watched the Nightline interview last night, because I felt unsettled after supporting him, and Elizabeth Edwards said to do it, and then to please leave them be. I was mostly glad I did, and glad he didn't trot her out to verify her forgiveness. But the ads at the end of the program indicated that they are going to be doing such an dissection of the affair starting Monday morning, I felt sick. I felt sick for their family, but especially sick for the rest of us, that the media has a new scandal to feed on so that we can continue to fill up on junk news instead of the very real concerns, issues and continuing actual *news* scandals we're facing.

[Amanda]

I can move on, sure. What I cannot do is let slide the very thing he said led him to do it, this sensing that he had become special. It is that very separation from reality that allows policy to veer so far off track. Everything but the narrow focus they have, pointed in whichever direction it may, leaves them (cheaters, non-cheaters, men or woman, red or blue) blind to all of the things and people occupying their blindspot(S!)

[Lisa V]

He did it during his campaign, knowing the media environment he lived in. He did it after he had put his family and his marriage on display as part of his public persona. He and his spouse chose to put his family in the spotlight. He chose to bring it to media speculation by visiting this woman again now.

And yes, lots of people have affairs. Just because it's common place, doesn't make it right. Truly, I'm not judging him as a person having an affair, I'm judging him a candidate and a politician making an extremely bad career move that has the potential to effect far more people than just him and his wife. It was short sighted, stupid and in Edward's own words "narcissistic".

And as for the woman, well this will likely overshadow every other accomplishment she makes in her life, she will be known like Donna Rice and Monica Lewinsky. She chose to have an affair with another woman's husband, which has always seemed anti-feminist to me.

I don't think this will kill Edward as an advocate for the poor, etc. But it will haunt his career and diminish his potential. And that is a damn shame.

I don't think people will still be talking about this a year from now, or even a month from now, but less than 24 hours after Edwards himself brought it to the public attention is too soon to expect people to "get over it."

[Kristin]

I don't really care who he sleeps with. Really. I totally don't. Well, just so it's legal (we had an issue with our former governor here in Oregon and a 14 year old -- nauseating).

My issue is what he could have done to the Democratic Party. I find that the epitome of irresponsible. We could have lost an election simply because he's was a selfish SOB.

Again, whatever went on with his family, etc. I would be happy never to hear about again. None of my business. It's the party is so earnestly tried to represent that I'm concerned with....

[Kristin]

woops..."it's the party HE so earnestly..."

[Defiantmuse]

word.
I'm so glad you said these things.

[Julie Pippert]

My main point is, honestly, I wish 1/10 of the passion we've all expended on this Edwards issue (the posts on it are high scorers for comments---one has more than I've ever seen on a post here) was funneled to one of the 8 other issues on my list that had nothing whatsoever to do with Edwards.

We're still just talking about *him.* And I want to be done with that. The news is out, we've had the expose, we've had the big reveal, we've had the explanation and contrition.

I don't mean that people shouldn't care what he's done, have feelings, or must utterly forget it. I don't feel about the way others do, but I'm hoping that doesn't really make a difference because hopefully we don't want this to keep dominating the newswaves, regardless of our take on it.

Thus my high hope is that we will set aside interest that drives networks to do things like a dissection on Monday of the affair (see Tracy's comment above). If we don't tune in and if we make a call for other topics, news will move on.

That's what I want. I don't want news to be hyperobsessed like I expect them to be.

I agree Edwards did this and we all know this is where it goes. I agree what he did was wrong. I agree he shouldn't have lied (but we all know full well why he did, the good and bad reasons).

I'm saying take back the reins! We can drive the discussion and I don't want this to remain the discussion lead.

We don't have to passively accept that "oh well we all know the MSM is going to be a dog with a bone about this." They don't have to be and we don't have to accept it.

Take this passion and interest---this huge passion and interest---and let's funnel it into another topic, any one, any issue, whichever one you really care about.

I love that all of you came out and expressed yourselves here. It's the first time I've "commented" with some of you.

So come back...talk to me about which issue intrigues you. I'll be glad to check into it and write about it.

Anything except Edwards. :)

[Donna]

The truth is that adultery is easy for everyone to comprehend and so it's easy for everyone to offer an opinion on it. The issues? They are complex. Fortunately, we have people here at MOMocrats who are adept at researching complex issues and then explaining them in terms that we can all understand.

Thank you for this reminder to keep our eyes on the prize - and what that prize is.

[MammaLoves]

Julie,

I agree with you. I didn't care about Clinton either. My problem is the lying that surrounds it all. We are such a puritanical society. The rest of the world laughs at our outrage over sex scandals. I weep that we can't drum up the same outrage over the children in our own country who don't have health care, or the women that are regularly abused by their mates or inconsistency of the public schools--to name just a few.

My one pause in all of this is how would I feel if Edwards was a Republican. Would I still be saying "stop talking about it?" I also agree with Natalie, if you know you're background is going to be picked over with a fine-toothed comb, you probably shouldn't add the lice yourself.

Great piece!

[Ashley Abbott]

Okay we get it you are a democrat! Frankly I think all politicians are liars including dems AND republicans. Our entire system is a disgrace and joke. Things will NEVER change b/c it's not made up that way for ANYONE to have an impactful change. It's just one cluster fuck administration after the next.

[Mrs. Fussypants]

What? Edwards had an affair? Who knew?

{{laughing}}

I just wanted to comment because the twitter buzz was so intriging!

Rawk on, Ladies

xoxo

[Sarah Granger]

Great post, Julie. I think we would all feel ill if we discovered how much real news is ignored and replaced with "human interest" gossip stories. If we listed all of the people from Thomas Jefferson to John Edwards who fell prey to this kind of hubris, it could take forever anyway. (Not that I condone his behavior and not that I'm surprised it happened, but I would like to move away from the "story.")

I really wish the media attention would turn back toward the environment. Live Earth was great, but it's long past and we need to keep focused on the big picture. Obama put forward a great environmental proposal recently and it's received very little attention. At least the Olympic coverage has put a spotlight on the terrible conditions in Beijing, so that's something.

[Lawyer Mama]

I have to admit I think much less of him now. Many people handle cancer and stress and don't have affairs, much less affairs while running for the highest office in the country. I understand what happens to politicians but it doesn't excuse it. He could have destroyed the Democratic party if he'd been the nominee.

But now that I've got that out, I'm done with it. And I really wish the MSM would be done with it too!

[Julie Pippert]

LM, I think it's fair enough (as if you need my permission or approval, LOL at me) to alter your view of him. I don't offer any explanations or excuses, just a reason why I am "satisfied" (for lack of a better word) with the information I received (revealed, discussed, apologized) and am ready to move on---just like you said, very well-put!

Sarah, good point. It sounds like we need to cover the environmental proposal, especially alongside the energy bill, since it isn't getting the attention it deserves!

Mrs. F, thanks for coming by. :)

Ashley, yep, I'm a Democrat writing on Democrat blog here. LOL I know we are all imperfect, regardless of affiliation (church, politics, special clubs, alma mater, whatever). Our imperfection doesn't render us ineffective, though. I respectfully disagree that our government has never made an impactful change. About 22 landmark decisions and changes just flew through my mind, good and bad (depending upon POV). But I do agree our system has gotten cluttered with noise that affects its effectiveness. Starting with the campaign process and the money, and how that affects decisions.

ML, I took some time to think about your excellent question. I thought back to the infamous Larry Craig. Yeah, regardless of party, I thnk of this stuff as "and this creates what impact on the nation? none. okay BACK TO WORK FOLKS!" I had to think, and can't promise I haven't reveled in some stories (I mean wide stance, there were a few hilarious things written...but at the end of the day, it's not that funny as it highlights a sad and terrible continuing dangerous bigotry against a population in this country <-- that is the real talking point, the discussion that needed to happen, not how men stand in stalls, KWIM).

So yeah, I want the passion behind issues.

What's the real issue behind Edwards? I don't know in his personal case, but it brings right up to my mind the ongoing bias against and lack of life support (such as counseling) either available or that people are willing to take when they have access to it b/c of the stigma. I'd love to segue that to discussion about support for returning traumatized vets, and how many are concerned about getting counseling for fear it will kill their military career.

Donna, yes, I agree completely, and brilliantly put.

Thanks again, to everyone who has come to read and join in this discussion!

[Carrie]

I wrote about it too -- and not in a gossipy way, not in an "I'm so ashamed he cheated on his wife" way, not in an I'm against adultery way either -- I am and forever will be affected by the words he said and the way he conducted himself in that interview w/Bob Woodruff. Like I said in my post, it is not the ACT that upsets me, it's the AFTERMATH. John Edwards portrayed himself a complete 180 from what he was sitting in that chair on Nightline and THAT is what I have the most problem with.

And I think moving on from this, when I put a lot of hopes that he would make good on promises and perhaps even run again in 4 years or be a contender for VP, is wrong. When I compare how he is handling the situation to how Clinton handled it, the differences are glaring. Edwards does not posess the integrity, grace or humility required to connect with the American people. He did, at one time, but he no longer does, in my opinion.

And it isn't because he cheated, it could have been anything - it's because of the way he is handling this, his unapologetic attitude, his dodging of questions and his lack of compassion. I don't care who she was, if he has a love child, or if his wife forgives him or not - those details are between the players involved and none of my business. I do care how he presents himself. We all know that public figures are less than perfect, that is a flaw of being human. We all know that they have lied, more than likely, that is also a flaw of being human. Unfortunately in this day and age is is getting more difficult to get away with lies and flaws and instead we have to turn our attention elsewhere.

I think he's handling it horribly, and that says a lot about how he would handle any other issues that would come up in his political career. So yeah, my John Edwards balloon is burst. Forever.

[Mom101]

Aaaaaaaamen.

[debbie]

Julie, I want to hug you SO DAMN HARD after reading this post.

there may have been explosive clapping as I was poring over it. possibly produced by me.

[Rihanna]

I feel sorry for Elizabeth Edwards. This is the last thing she needs. This whole Edwards scandal will probably make the media dig up McCain's affair with Cindy McCain and ask why McCain left his first wife. Washington is a sad place.

~*~*~*~*~*~

[Karoli]

Can you tell I'm catching up today? What a great post, loved your offshore drilling arguments especially.

I cannot believe this was the top of all the news today. It's amazing. If the networks won't let it go, we need to change the networks we give attention to, in my opinion.

By the way, any and all of my photos that I post in protest of offshore drilling can be freely used to illustrate your points here on the topic. :)

Thanks for making it so clear. Let's hope folks listen.

[Regina]

Thank you for putting this in perspective. When I first heard about this I knew in my heart I should just let it go, he and his wife have done so much for people in this country. Then it kept showing up and being talked about and I somehow felt like I SHOULD care. I don't know why I let them manipulate me. You are right. We need to focus.

[ilinap]

I've been so out of touch with the blog world and was delighted to take a step back in and read this post. Clap! Clap! Clap!

[Snoop-Diggity-DANG-Dawg]

"Most adults have had sex. Some of it was poor choice, a mistake. It doesn't define us, or it shouldn't."

Most adults aren't running for president, either. Most adults haven't used campaign funds to cover up their illicit activity, which, is a felony, by the way.

And your big buddy John Edwards is going to do hard time for it, too. Mark my words, Mommycrat: your favorite narcissist, jackass, douchebag is headed for prison.