Obama-McCain Debate: What I saw was the presidential spirit of ohana

First, I need to set the tone. Let's all begin by looking at these pictures of Barack Obama in Hawaii. These vacation photos provide me with a deep understanding of Barack Obama's temperment which helps to explain his measured, even-keeled performance in Friday's debate. How can that be, you ask? Allow me to explain.

As a MOMocrat who grew up in Honolulu, I have a unique view of Barack Obama, one that you can't have unless you grew up in Hawaii and understand the culture. Hawaii is a special place and it's like no other state in the United States. It's a state that is diverse, where minorities are the majority, and you are only unique if you are all one race. Most races and cultures in Hawaii have blended together over the years so it's not unusual for people to claim 5 or 6 different nationalities. We're "chop suey," as we call it. When Barack Obama talks about his story only being possible in America, I know that it was especially possible because he grew up in Honolulu.

 

As I've mentioned before, I was born in the same hospital as Obama and went to the same non-denominational Christian Missionary school—the largest private school west of the Rockies. (I always need to say that because there are idiots out there still claiming he is Muslim.) Hawaii is a melting pot of beautiful and varied races and cultures to be sure, but to be half-African American, even in "color-blind" Hawaii, is still, at times, painful (which Obama documents in Dreams From My Father).

Having grown up in Hawaii, I know the community that surrounded him. It wasn't just his family or his school, but the entire island surrounding him with the spirit of ohana or family. In Hawaii, ohana means the entire community, the whole island, is your family in that "it takes a village" sense. It means that you may disagree with someone, even vehemently, but since you live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean and you can't run away from them, you need to figure out a way to live and work together.  I saw Obama's "Hawaii-ness"—his spirit of ohana—in Friday's debate.

I saw it when Obama said, "John McCain is right," finding the rare points where he could agree with McCain before roasting him in a blaze of searing criticism. Obama's agreement didn't show weakness. On the contrary. People everywhere,—but especially people from Hawaii—understand that it showed leadership, a willingness to reach across the aisle in the spirit of working together, it showed Obama's true nature as someone who can seek common ground where he is able, it showed ohana.

In Hawaii, perhaps because of the spirit of ohana or the Missionary influence or deep-rooted Asian traditions, a high social value is placed on respecting elders and being polite. It's the island way. Grace, gentlemanliness, and courtesy are social norms. Anyone acting otherwise is an instant pariah. If you are discourteous, everyone knows who you are. To further illustrate my point, I would venture to say that everyone from Hawaii watching the debate was thinking, "Yes, he had to take McCain down 17 notches, but at least he showed manners and acted like a gentleman. He wasn't rude. His family raised him right."

Roger Ebert's column today touches on those same sentiments. Says Ebert:

I do not like you, John McCain. My feeling has nothing to do with issues. It has to do with common courtesy. During the debate, you refused to look Barack Obama in the eye. Indeed, you refused to look at him at all. Even when the two of you shook hands at the start, you used your eyes only to locate his hand, and then gazed past him as you shook it.

Obama is my guy. If you are rude to him, you are rude to me. If you came to dinner at my house and refused to look at or speak with one of my guests, that would be bad manners and I would be offended. Same thing if I went to your house. During the debate, you were America's guest.

So let's go back and look at those Hawaii pictures. Look carefully. In these pictures, despite living in Chicago, Obama is "home." I see a relaxed, calm, and even person. I know his smile because that is a smile that people who were born in Hawaii but don't live there anymore smile whenever they return to the islands.

I couldn't stand on that stage and let that doddering, condescending jerk attack me with untruths. Not giving me the courtesy of looking at me? Telling me "I just don't understand?" I would have come across as more than an "Angry Half-Korean, Half-Italian Woman." I would be calling him a misogynist and a bigot right to McCain's badly-Botoxed, pancaked face, so it's good that we have a candidate who is so...presidential. It's about damn time.

In future debates, I want Barack Obama to punch and counter punch, land some when he has to, and be a strong, vigorous debator. I want him to keep displaying the best of himself. The CNN audience meter seemed to indicate that Americans want that as well. All three lines dipped when McCain insulted and attacked Obama, then rose when Obama countered in his even-tempered style.

Barack Obama, thank you for setting an example for your family and your country. Thank you for showing the entire world what the spirit of ohana is all about.

MOMocrats co-founder Stefania Pomponi Butler can't wait to call Barack Obama "Mr. President."

Comments

[Karoli]

Yes, great reminder. However, I do think therea re areas that he can hit on without being rude or impolite. One frustration I had with Friday's debate was with missed opportunities to really tie the war and the economy together, and he gave McCain a complete pass on the torture bill.

But that's just me. He obviously knows what he's doing, based upon the overall reaction to Friday's performance.

[RookieMom Whitney]

Thanks for quoting that Ebert piece. That's exactly what we were yelling at the screen at my house. Isn't saying "You're right about that," the most DIPLOMATIC way to introduce your own opinion? I think everyone from shrinks to business strategists would advise us to behave this way. I felt that Barak would have a better shot at bonding with our frenemies in other nations because of this quality.

[Allison]

Great post -- I love learning a bit about "ohana" beyond hearing it during "Lilo and Stitch" (grin).

I was yelling the same thing at the tv-idiots about Senator Obama's use of "you're right," and found that a few other people had great thoughts on it also. My post on it with links to a couple others is here: http://musings.meanderwithme.com/2008/09/youre-right/

[Christy]

I completely agree. I think we need a little "ohana" to bring the United States into a better light with the world. And, I also noticed the lack of eye contact Roger Ebert mentioned. McCain's lack of respect for Obama, lack of common courtesy was offensive.

[Karen]

great post Stefania - I had the same feeling about the "you're right" comments. I thought it showed Obama as an active listener and a diplomatic debator. Shame on McCain for being so rude - I would expect that behavior from an angry kindergartner but not a senior statesman.

[Kate]

Wonderful post. I had the pleasure of visiting Honolulu last year for a conference. This was my first visit to Hawaii (long overdue, I admit) and I plan to go back purely for vacation next time. I noticed that "ohana" spirit all through my visit, although I didn't know that word at the time. I was just struck by the refreshing mellowness and friendliness of the people, and by the idea that I was witnessing the American melting pot at its most successful. It's sad that so many Americans have such a narrow-minded view of what it means to be American. Barack Obama embodies the true spirit of the America of today and of the future. Aloha!

[erin]

Awesome post. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

[penelope]

What a wonderful post: loved learning about ohana, thank you. And I'd just like to say that after the debate, I fully expected people to be commending Obama's presidential charisma, his expert debating skills (especially the "you're right" as rhetorical method), and the specifics of his answers...and was wholly shocked to hear Some People claiming that he'd lost the debate.

[Aunty Karen]

Fifi, I am so proud to have seen you grow into the lovely human being you are. We in Hawaii dwell on our faults so often that we forget our blessings. I see all those wonderful traits in Obama, and how little others understand that they reflect this multi-cultural society that is tolerant on the surface, and not tolerant beneath the surface, but often forced to be tolerant in the end because everyone is related by marriage or family connection to someone else, and if not now, then, horror of horrors, in the next generation. We see this more and more as we get older, and sit next to someone who says, by the way, did you know you are related to...because someone back when had plenty aloha.