Baskin-Robbins sez: Support your candidate by eating him on a cone, with sprinkles

I've just gotten word that Baskin-Robbins, beloved ice cream purveyor of my youth, has joined in on the ubiquitous "Vote for _______ vs ________ " marketing tactic with two new flavors named for the candidates:

McCain's Straight Talk Crunch - caramel ribbon, chocolate pieces, candy red states, and crunchy mixed nuts swirled into white chocolate ice cream.

Obama's Whirl of Change - peanut nougat ice cream whirled with chunks of chocolate-covered peanut brittle and a caramel ribbon.

I would have paid to have been a fly on that product development wall, as the marketers grappled with the fact that they couldn't possibly make the Obama Flavor chocolate based and the McCain flavor (very, very) vanilla.

If I had been there (and not just a fly either), I might have recommended some changes to Straight Talk Crunch. The "candy red states" are cute and all, even if a lot of those states are looking to turn blue this year. But take it a step further: Add some black gummy crows, best eaten after you declare that you voted for regulation after voting against it. Maybe some bacon bits to represent the pork barrel projects that he has never voted for, with the exception of the ones he has. 

Sprinkle in some Redhots as a nod to McCain's well-established explosive temperment (Mmm...Redhots). Maybe even hide some candy in the middle - something light, fluffy and unsubstantial, like cotton candy? Only don't let reporters see it! Finally drizzle the scoop with a little EVOO to represent the millions in oil money the McCain campaign has accepted.   

You'll want to serve the whole thing warm and melted by the way, since promoting alternative energy sources doesn't really seem to be his thing.

Come to think of it, it shouldn't be called Straight Talk Crunch at all. It should probably be called Crow-Eating Pork-bellied Oil Subsidized Nasty Melted Hothead Crunch.

No one would buy it, of course. But then, I'm not buying John McCain either. Perfect.

Liz Gumbinner can also be found neglecting her personal blog Mom101, pretty much straight through to November 4.

Comments

[xiaolinmama]

Oh Liz! You ARE brilliant!

[Donna]

FUNNY. Thanks for the laugh - I needed it!

[Lawyer Mama]

I needed that laugh. Thanks!

[Natalie]

I am laughing so hard over this! Bwahahahaha!

But I want to know where Obama's blue candy states are?

[Mom101]

Obama's a uniter Nathalie. Evidently all kinds of flavors are welcome in his ice cream.

[Liz]

Do you think they're sending a subtle message by including "mixed nuts" in the Straight Talk Crunch? I know that "nuts" is more and more the first thing that comes to my mind when I hear about anything having to do with McCain!

[mom101]

Hilarious Liz! In that case, maybe there's a hidden message in the fact that there's brittle in Obama's. Do they think he's stiff?

[Liz]

Let's go with "hard to break" for the message in the peanut brittle - as in, doesn't lose his cool when the other side just keeps lying and lying, but cucumber ice cream probably wouldn't appeal to a whole lot of people!