The "Yes on 8" people have been out in force in my neighborhood.
This is the ballot proposition that seeks to nullify the California Supreme Court decision to allow gays to legally marry.
I have been horrified to discover that most of my neighbors are supporting this waste of taxpayer time and money. I understood that my northern San Fernando Valley community skews conservative, and I saw it in 2000 and 2004 as the roads leading to my daughter's school were lined with yard signs supporting George W. Bush. But somehow, I had lulled myself into thinking that during the ensuing years, my neighbors' eyes had opened to the bad policy and intolerant thought processes that were behind the current Administration's most outrageous positions.
It's not the first time I've been guilty of misreading folks.
The measure's proponents are selling it to the public as a rally to "protect marriage." Many of its supporters cite the Bible as their rationale for opposing equal rights for same sex couples.
Not all clergy agree.
I was pleasantly surprised earlier this month, when our rabbi devoted his Yom Kippur sermon to the Proposition 8 controversy.
"Of all the groups within American society whose struggle for equal rights found a renewed voice in the 60's and 70's, homosexuals are alone in still suffering widespread, socially accepted discrimination," he said, describing Proposition 8's title (The Marriage Protection Act) as "pure Orwellian newspeak."
Rabbi Brown went on: "Even the most diehard cynic must find truly breathtaking the spectacle of those who would impose their religious views on us all now cloaking themselves in the constitutional principle of separation of church and state. If Proposition 8 is defeated, its proponents tell us, churches will be forced to recognize gay marriages, even if such recognition flies in the face of church doctrine."
But that's simply not true. There is nothing in the law that would require religious entities to endorse or accept gay marriage. That is their first amendment right. But, as Rabbi Brown quoted the Los Angeles Times, "the government, which has obligations of equity, may not engage in discrimination that religions are allowed. As long as it bestows the privileges of marriage on some couples, it must bestow them on all."
I was pleased to discover that the leaders of Southern California's Board of Rabbis publicly oppose Proposition 8. Among the reasons: that gay marriage is a civil matter, and they honor and uphold the separation of church/synagogue and state.
The rabbis are not alone. In the past few days, Lutheran and Presbyterian clergy in Southern California have also demonstrated against the measure, and all of California's Episcopal dioceses also say NO.
The Los Angeles Times reports that the campaigns for and against Proposition 8 have raised a total of over $60 million; highly unusual for a measure that has no financial impact.
"Many donors... cite religious beliefs, and Mormons have emerged as the largest source of money to the Yes-on-8 effort, contributing about 40% of its war chest, according to the campaign. Church leaders have urged members to contribute," the Times reports.
But for a group that cites morality as their raison d'etre, they are resorting to some pretty immoral tactics. Last week, some California businesses who gave to the No on 8 campaign received a threatening letter from the measure's proponents, promising to smear them if they didn't also donate to them.
The advertisements for Yes on 8 have been scurrilous, raising the usual lame argument that allowing same sex couples marital rights and status somehow threatens "traditional marriage." They assert that if Proposition 8 passes, "gay marriage will be taught in schools." State Superintendent of Schools Jack McConnell answered that charge in a No on 8 ad stating that there is no requirement to teach about marriage in California schools.
The Yes on 8 people have put out a new ad that basically says that McConnell is lying about education in California - a tactic that is disturbingly familiar to those who remember how war hero John Kerry was smeared, resulting in a new political verb: to be swift-boated.
What really gets my goat is the way the Yes on 8 people are using the welfare of our children as a scare tactic. I have a question for them: What about the 50,000+ California children with same-sex parents? Have you thought about how denying those families the same legal rights as the rest of us will affect those kids?
Earlier this month, polls indicated that the Yes on 8 ad campaign was succeeding by a 5-point margin. With one week until the election, both sides have stepped up their fundraising. Donate to the No on 8 campaign here.
It will likely be close -- a lot closer in California than the race for the Presidency. And if the measure passes, you can expect similar campaigns in other states.
Donna Schwartz Mills is looking forward to watching commercials for toothpaste instead of California ballot propositions. She can usually be found on her personal blog, SoCal Mom.
We have Prop 102 in Arizona, and I am so sick and tired of all of their stupid "yes for marriage" signs, because all it means is "yes, for constitutional discrimination".
Posted by: Natalie | October 28, 2008 at 11:37 AM
I have a dear friend who is raising three adopted children with his registered domestic partner, and it seems to me that so many things could be simpler for them if they could just be married. Their children are thriving, by the way.
In my conservative suburb just a bit west of yours, Donna, the Yes on 8 people are all over the place too.
And thank you for including the quotes from your rabbi.
Posted by: Florinda | October 28, 2008 at 02:12 PM
I'm sorry but i believe that children have a right to a mom and a dad. This is a natural, biological, fundamental right.
France rejected same-sex marriage for this reason.
There is a good discussion going on here:
http://prop8discussion.wordpress.com/2008/10/27/thank-you-france-children-have-a-right-to-a-mom-and-a-dad-merci/
yes on prop 8
Posted by: lee | October 28, 2008 at 04:43 PM
Lee, that's an awfully simple view - the world is messier than that. I would settle for all children having at least one parent who loves, supports and has a healthy relationship with them. But you can't legislate that. And neither should the state legislate who can be a parent and who should not. Denying same sex people the right to marry would not detract from kids who have two parents, any more than it threatens "traditional marriage." (The fact that gay couples can now marry legally in California has done nothing to harm my own healthy "traditional marriage.") Proposition 8 would not give kids in one-parent families an extra parent and what it does is lessen the legal status of families with same sex parents. The law pertains to the civil status of marriage, not the religious act.
Posted by: Donna | October 28, 2008 at 05:09 PM
According to US Census statistics, only 14% of California children live with their biological mothers and fathers. What shall we do with the other 76%? Take them away from their "families"? Are you going to adopt them? Or shall we force their parents to stay married even if they hate each other and raise their children in a totally dysfunctional household because it's their "fundamental right"? And since when did we start taking cues from France? Face it, that battle is lost. Banning gay marriage isn't going to ensure that children grow up with mommy and daddy in the house. Banning divorce on the other hand...
I am so sick and tired of people who act as though, because I am gay I must be some isolated pariah that only emerges from my pod to destroy America every two years. I've got news for you, Lee. I have parents too! And grandparents, and siblings, cousins, aunts & uncles, in-laws, and friends who love me and were pretty darn happy to see me & my wife finally get to be married after 11 years together. People could have cared less about our domestic partnership paperwork -- marriage is fundamentally different.
My family is also pretty fond of my kids too. My wife and I have two beautiful daughters -- who have a fundamental right to grow up in a society where their family is as valued and protected as the next. Why is it that the anti-gay marriage folks are so concerned about everybody else's kids -- just not my kids?
When people like the YesOn8 crowd chant their "protect children", "protect family", "protect marriage" garbage they make it pretty clear to MY children, MY family, and I that we are so fundamentally inferior that we don't even deserve the courtesy that you whisper your prejudices behind closed doors like good bigots should. No, you're free to plant it in your front yard and slap in on your bumper without a second thought of the damage and hurt that creates in my household. And it does hurt! But not to worry, I'm sure Jesus wasn't talking about me when he said "Love your neighbor as yourself."
Posted by: Jen | October 28, 2008 at 05:26 PM
The author says: "there is nothing in the law that would require religious entities to endorse or accept gay marriage. That is their first amendment right." As a Mormon, forgive me but there was a time when, notwithstanding the government's obligation to protect freedom of religion, Mormons were chased from their homes by angry mobs for Mormons' politically unpopular (anti-slavery) views. Slavery was legal; opposing it was difficult and politically unpopular in Missouri. The parallels today are there: who's to say that the politically correct movement to accept homosexual marriage doesn't result in hatred of people for religious beliefs? And will the government protect religious freedom when there's a clash? The US' record is pretty spotty on that point. The hatred is already there. Watch as the Yes on 8 people stand smiling holding their signs, while being assaulted by people with No on 8 signs. One woman I know had rocks thrown at her; another had a car swerve toward her to frighten her. Yet a third was subjected to No on 8'ers holding a "Bigot" sign behind her. Isn't this already a form of hate speech? If you disagree with 8, at least concede the necessity in having a civil discourse. If gay marriage is legalized, the moral beliefs of these people will be even more unpopular, and in fact marriage will be taught in schools as a choice between both a gay and a straight choice. Teaching kids and preserving religious freedom will in fact become much more difficult.
Posted by: pbj | October 28, 2008 at 09:15 PM
I thought we WERE having a civil discourse here. I was very careful in my language, but I did call it as I see it.
It is funny you bring up slavery; my rabbi used the laws against miscegenation between white and black citizens as an analogy to this issue. Those laws were stricken by the Supreme Court, too. I think this is a closer parallel than the one you cite.
The Puritans who emigrated to this country were in search of religious freedom. It was important enough to our founding fathers to specify separation of church and state in our Constitution. Tolerance of diverse faiths is one of the things that makes this country strong.
I do not argue with people on issues of faith. We believe what we believe, regardless of the argument. That's kind of the definition of faith.
I respect your Mormon faith and admire you for it. But we're talking about laws that extend to EVERYONE, not faith.
The court's ruling that extends the civil right of marriage to ALL our citizens. It doesn't force your church to perform gay marriages. It doesn't force you or your church to do anything. It doesn't have anything to do with the education code. There is no marriage curriculum in school.
As to the rude and violent way your friend was treated when exercising her first amendment right to demonstrate, I am appalled. That is not something condoned by anyone I know.
Posted by: Donna | October 28, 2008 at 09:45 PM
Good grief, where do we start? First of all, the movement to accept gay marriage is anything but politically correct. Every two years, gay families like mine get to watch politicians who cannot agree on anything else agree that we shouldn't be able to get married. We get to turn on the t.v. and check the latest public opinion polls regarding how much (or usually how little) our families are accepted in this country. We are everybody's favorite punching bag, the domestic equivalent of terrorists, modern-day witches used to scare the beejeezus out of the intellectually-challenged and drive "the base" into the polling place.
What we do have, however, is the law on our side. One of the founding principles of this country is that minorities should be protected from the whim and tyranny of the majority. As a Mormon, pbj, you would do well to remember that. And you would also do well to remember that your people were not simply chased west due to your anti-slavery views but due to the fact that you were considered cultists. (However I think it is highly manipulative and disingenuous --o.k., totally dishonest-- to portray your church's history as somehow defined by progressive racial politics). Whatever coziness you currently enjoy with religious conservatives at my expense--remember: the enemy of my enemy is my friend. You're right to be concerned for your religious freedoms, but their greatest threat is not going to come from the gays, it's going to come from evangelicals and Catholics who still consider yours an apostate church. When they come for you--and they will--who exactly are you expecting to rise to YOUR defense?
The so-called "moral beliefs" of YesOn8'ers are not hated because of what they are, but because they presume to legislate them onto everybody else -- and because of how they are doing it, with deliberate deceit. It is a LIE to say that gay marriage will be taught as a choice in schools. That is absolutely untrue and has been proven to be a completely fabricated interpretation of California education law. It is a LIE to say that churches will be punished for not conducting gay marriages, the court ruling legalizing gay marriage specifically protects against that. You cannot, nor should you expect, to be treated like delicate "Christian" flowers when you continue to lie about the facts. Thou shalt not lie...remember? If you want people to respect your religious views...start living by them!
As to your final comment "Teaching kids and preserving religious freedom will become much more difficult." I can only say -- sad, so, so sad. Math, science, english, history, p.e., spanish...how exactly is the instruction of those subjects going to be complicated by gay marriage? Just for the sake of argument, let's say your child comes does come home one day from "Gay Marriage Appreciation Week" all set to get gay married--what does that say about your parenting skills? Just continue to remind your children on a daily basis that if they ever "turn gay" that they'll go to hell, be rejected by their church and most of their family and I'm pretty sure that you'll be alright.
But personally, I think that the real fear is not what teachers will say to your kids, it's that they might make a friend with gay parents. A friend that isn't a monster, a friend who sticks up for them when they're getting picked on, a friend who invites them to their birthday party. A friend from a family of people you've told them are evil but who just don't seem to fit that bill. And then you'll have to explain yourself and you worry you won't be able to...a worry you've pretty much proven the need for in this forum.
Just because I am gay, don't presume that I don't have morals or that my morals aren't religious in nature. I was baptized Catholic, raised evangelical, graduated from a Christian high school, and am now a practicing Methodist. I know that someday my kids will come home from school with questions like, "What's a Mormon?" "Are they Christians?" "Do they believe in Jesus?" Maybe it will be because there's a Mormon kid in their class, maybe they'll be learning about President Romney. Who knows? But it will be MY responsibility to explain the differences that I believe exist. Just keep in mind, the respect and protection that you enjoy as a religious minority in this country is not too different from the respect and protection that I am seeking for my family. If we start chipping away, denying, or withholding freedoms based on "Christian" doctrine, eventually that's going to impact you. Your Prop 8 bedfellows, the evangelicals in particular, will throw Mormons under the bus first chance they get...heck the battle lines have already been drawn...who are the real Republicans? the a Palin-republicans or the Romney-republicans?
As for civility...I doubt I've met your standard in this response and frankly I don't care anymore. I'm exhausted. I am just plain worn-out and tired, sick and tired, of my family being treated like lepers in this country. Of being treated like an "issue" and not a person. Win or lose, your life will not change one bit, NOT ONE BIT, on November 5th. There's is no risk in this election for you, none--how convenient for you. To borrow a line from Dr. King, "I'm tired of fighting for rights that should already be mine." I've got a family too! How dare you put MY family up for a vote and then expect ME to be civil? This is my FAMILY! Don't you people get that? Do you care at all? The arrogance, the callousness, the cruelty of putting my family up for a vote? And you expect me (or my parents, grandparents, relatives, friends, or children) to have some emotionally-detached, civil policy debate with you? How would you feel if people put up "Protect Christianity--No Mormons" signs in their front yard? Would you take that personally? How about if it happened, in some form, every stinkin' election cycle?! You think your patience would wear thin after awhile? You think maybe the word "bigot" might cross your mind from time to time, maybe give you a little comfort while the world rallies against you (that's how it feels on my end). So, o.k. the person who threw the rocks and swerved were bad, I'm sure nothing of the sort has crossed the minds of all the smiling, sign-waving Christians let alone turned to action.
Posted by: Jen | October 29, 2008 at 03:34 AM
Donna,
Your last post blew me away. It should be required reading for every individual who has a "Yes on 8" sign in their yard or on their card. Every exposure (and there are far too many here where I live) is like a slap in the face. They just don't get it, or at least don't want to.
Posted by: Doug | October 29, 2008 at 04:19 PM
Bravo, Jen. That line about putting your family up for a vote really struck a chord.
Posted by: Natalie | October 29, 2008 at 06:16 PM
I have never posted to a blog or anything online, but today I just had to. Donna, your post said everything I have been wanting to say over the last couple of weeks. I have always supported gay marriage and gay rights in general, however when my daughter came out last year this whole issue became completely personal. And every time I seen one of those Yes on 8 signs or bumper stickers my stomach does a flip. I found myself with tears in my eyes as I read your post. My daughter is only 15, so you can imagine the 'mama bear' that comes out. My daughter is smart (a straight A student), gentle, kind, brave (coming out when you are 15 is not easy in this society) knows that she isn't ready for sex, takes care of her friends, and likes spending time with her family; all of the things you want in a teenager. And yet she is deemed unworthy of something as fundamental as marriage. Sorry if this response is just a jumble, it's hard not to get emotional. Thank you again Donna.
Posted by: Andrea | October 30, 2008 at 02:39 PM
Brava to *you*, Andrea, for being such an accepting, loving mom to a brave daughter who knows her own heart.
Posted by: cynematic | October 30, 2008 at 03:05 PM
Thank you, Andrea. Your message made my day.
I am praying that your daughter comes of age in a country that is far more accepting and tolerant than ever before.
It’s a shame we have to fight so hard for basic decency.
Five more days to a better future…
Posted by: Donna | October 30, 2008 at 04:11 PM