Ask the MOMocrats: How to Talk to My Republican Mom?

We love to get email from our readers.  Seriously.  Well, except for those stalkery ones calling us names that we get from frustrated Republicans.  Those are just sad.  But we love to hear from readers with constructive thoughts about our posts.  Sometimes we even get questions.  So we're now starting a new segment called "Ask the MOMocrats."  From politics to advice, you ask us, we'll answer.  Just keep it clean, dear readers.

Dear Momocrats,

I love and respect my mother dearly, but it makes me sad that she has not joined the rest of the world in celebrating a truly historic time. I was so proud to vote for Obama this year, I was grinning from ear to ear at the polling place. My Mom has been a democrat most of her life, but something about getting a little older and living in Tennessee for the past 8 years has turned her into one of the scary "forward sending" conservatives.  She is the only one in our family who did not vote for Obama.  I try keep things non-confrontational because I get really flustered and forget my facts when someone confronts me, so I just don't respond to her emails.  I can't keep quiet any longer, however, with thanksgiving right around the corner hosted by my very religious and conservative grandmother.

What can I say to her that could possibly change her mind but still keep the peace?  There are only so many times you can change the topic of conversation to the weather!  I have attached her latest email as an example of what I am up against.  I would be much appreciative of any ideas you might have.

Thanks in advance,

Daughtercrat

---------- Forwarded Message ----------
Girls, this is the first forward I have sent in a long time, and I won't
send any more, just wanted you to read just of piece of my frustration with
what just happened in our country.  I hope for your sakes this is all wrong,
but I don't think it is.  Momma

-----Original Message-----
From: [email protected]
Sent: Friday, November 07, 2008 7:02 AM
Subject: Fw: How long do we have?

HOW LONG DO WE HAVE?

This is the most interesting thing I've read in a long time. The sad thing about it, you can see it coming.

I have always heard about this democracy countdown. It is interesting to see it in print. God help us, not that we deserve it.

How Long Do We Have?

About the time our original thirteen states adopted their new constitution in 1787, Alexander Tyler, a Scottish history professor at the University of Edinburgh, had this to say about the fall of the Athenian Republic some 2,000 years earlier:

'A democracy is always temporary in nature; it simply cannot exist as a permanent form of government.

A democracy will continue to exist up until the time that voters discover they can vote themselves generous gifts from the public treasury.'

'From that moment on, the majority always vote for the candidates who promise the most benefits from the public treasury, with the result that every democracy will finally collapse due to loose fiscal policy, which is always followed by a dictatorship.'

'The average age of the world's greatest civilizations from the beginning of history, has been about 200 years'

'During those 200 years, those nations always progressed through the following sequence:

1. from bondage to spiritual faith;

2. from spiritual faith to great courage;

3. from courage to liberty;

4. from liberty to abundance;

5. from abundance to complacency;

6. from complacency to apathy;

7. from apathy to dependence;

8. from dependence back into bondage'

Professor Joseph Olson of Hamline University School of Law, St. Paul, Minnesota, points out some interesting facts concerning the 2000 Presidential election:

Number of States won by: Democrats: 19 Republicans: 29

Square miles of land won by: Democrats: 580,000 Republicans: 2,427,000

Population of counties won by: Democrats: 127 million Republicans: 143 million

Murder rate per 100,000 residents in counties won by: Democrats: 13.2 Republicans: 2.1

Professor Olson adds: 'In aggregate, the map of the territory Republican won was mostly the land owned by the taxpaying citizens of this great country. Democrat territory mostly encompassed those citizens living in government-owned tenements and living off various forms of government welfare...' Olson believes the United States is now somewhere between
the 'complacency and apathy' phase of Professor Tyler's definition of democracy, with some forty percent of the nation's population already; having reached the 'governmental dependency' phase.

If Congress grants amnesty and citizenship to twenty million criminal invaders called illegal's [sic] and they vote, then we can say goodbye to the USA in fewer than five years.

If you are in favor of this, then by all means, delete this message. If you are not, then pass this along to help everyone realize just how much is at stake, knowing that apathy is the greatest danger to our freedom.

----------------------------------------
Dear Daughtercrat,

You have a rough road ahead of you.  You mother has indeed become one of those people I like to call the "Falwell Forwarders. " We all have at least one in each family, so know that you aren't alone.

As for the content of your mother's email, wow, I don't know where to start.  You might try reminding her of a few of the following:

• Those playing fast and loose with fiscal policy over the last 8 years have been Republicans, not Democrats.  Republicans have, however, been supporting some pretty nice corporate welfare for quite some time.  Perhaps your mother fears the wrong party.
• We no longer limit citizenship or voting rights to white male property owners.
• There are 50 states in the country and 19 + 29 = 48.  Plus, that lovely little statistic isn't true.  Obama won 28 states.  McCain won 22.
• The above statistic sort of throws all the other stats in that fun little email into doubt, don't you think?
• Ask her to look up xenophobia in the dictionary.
• I'm also disturbed to find that I live in a tenement and am sponging off of the government.  I had no idea.  I bet the affluent suburb of Fairfax, Virginia would also be disturbed to discover their tenement status, along with thousands of other rural and urban areas across the country.

Your mother might also be interested to learn that 52% of those with a household income over $200,000 voted for Obama, as did 58% of people with a post-graduate degree.

But somehow I'm guessing that your mother isn't looking to be convinced and that any answers you give her will be summarily dismissed because you have, after all, been brainwashed by the Liberals.  So here's some real advice:

Ignore it.

Just ignore it for as long as you can.  And when you can't ignore it any longer, sit your mother down and tell her that she's upsetting you and that you feel she isn't respecting your feelings or opinions regarding politics.

Just go into this knowing that this isn't an argument you can "win."  You can't convince your mother.  No matter how much of a feminist she once was, she's now past that stage.  She can't remember what it was like when she was fighting for the ERA or a woman's right to choose.  Or perhaps she looks at our lives now and thinks that we've accomplished all we need to as women and progressives.

I'm guessing that your mother has a home, food, and plenty of warm clothing.  I'm guessing that she has health insurance and maybe even prescription drug coverage.  She doesn't take public transportation or volunteer among the homeless.  She may live in a bubble of comfort to the point that she simply can't see the wider suffering in the world around her anymore.  Or maybe she doesn't want to.  Whatever the reason, you won't convert your mother.

That doesn't mean that you should accept bigotry or hatred by email.  That also doesn't mean that you shouldn't point out just flat out lies to your mother.  (For example, I'd have a hard time letting that "Republicans got 29 states" thing go. It's just not true.)  But know that when you do respond you have to proceed with caution.  She is, after all, your mother.  Chances are she's emailing you because she's worried about you.

Or maybe she's gone nutso and its time to either drag her in for an Alzheimer's evaluation or pay someone to deprogram her so that she'll quit waiting for the rapture.

Sincerely,
MOMocrat Stephanie

When Steph isn't pretending that she knows what the hell she's talking about over here, she's pretending that she knows what the hell she's talking about over there.

Comments

[Sarah D]

Obviously, right after an election there is a lot of emotion. The bigger picture is that your mom changed sides. It happens. She is passionate about her views just like her daughter. Be the bigger person and realize "it is what it is". Her mind won't be changed at this time, so don't waste the energy; it will just wear you out. And, instead of treating her like she has some disease that needs to be cured, how about just listening and trying to understand what the fundamental reason for her change. It can't just be because she is older and living Tenn. What about being older and living Tenn has changed her?

[Wendy]

I'm not sure this is something worth telling mom, but aren't there a lot of "red states" that receive more benefit from the government than they pay in taxes, and "blue states" that do the opposite? (I can't think of the term for this.)

If she truly fears apathy, I'd say, tell her to get involved and truly informed. The wonderful thing about this election is that so many people did (largely because Barack Obama asked them to).

[OmegaMom]

Might also want to mention that it's the *2000* election being dissected in that forward, not the *2008* election.

Anyway, I have great sympathy, because my normally very sensible mom is doing the same thing. I think it's the collection of friends that they have that have been forwarding the OMG OBAMA IS A MUSLIM TERRORIST emails for months and months that has resulted in a kind of brainwashing. Dunno what to do, myself.

[halimah]

This reminds me of my ex-husband. In his case, he became Born Again and hopped on the GOP bandwagon. Sarah Palin is his paragon of virtue. He was emailing me the same types of drivel - which I would immediately confirm or disprove via Snopes.com. (All were disproved, btw.)then I would email the facts back to him. Finally he just stopped.

Fortunately, he lives across the country so I don't need to see him, and when he phones I can just hand the phone to our son.

[progressive gal]

All you can do is bless her heart and pray for her enlightenment ;-)

In all seriousness, I have relatives like that myself. When my grandmother told me Sen. Obama was a Muslim who was part of some plot to overthrow the government, I couldn't exactly tell her how ignorant she sounded...that would just be...well, impertinent! You ask a good question that really has no hard and fast answer. Steph did a nice job of giving you some solutions and I hope they work for you. I have come to say, "I respect your thoughts on this topic, however, mine differ. Isn't it great we have that privilege here to do that? Now, can you pass the salad please?"

[Jennifer Litz]

I have a similar post in my blog, which is about becoming my mom. Last time I visited my mother in Texas, it only took about 10 minutes for us to get in a shouting match over the lack of Palin's credentials.

When the uber-personal politics of identity and religion are in the play, there's little you can do to change someone's mind. We know these particular components of politics were especially heightened this time around with Sarah Uberrightwing Palin vs. Barack Hussein Obama.

There's a communication theory that says the harder you push someone to change their ideals, the stronger their resistance comes. When change does happen, it does so slowly, and step by step. Change has to come from someone's own accord, from the inside.

I had to tell my mom: I love you. Let's talk about something else.

[Natalie]

I think as people age they tend to "find God" out of their own fear of mortality and since republicans have this (incorrect) reputation of being the righteous party, people gravitate toward it without really knowing what they are voting for. Your mom probably truly believes she is doing the right thing and there isn't much you can do except to ask her to stop with the emails and try to gently correct her each time she spouts a lie.

I have a very dear Mormon friend and it is amazing that we are still such good friends after this election. But, it's all about boundaries and respecting the other person's opinion. She sent me one "Barack HUSSEIN Obama" type email (while Clinton was still in the running) before I put the smack-down on her and she never sent me another. And now? Now she actually sees the bright side of the Obama win.

[Miranda]

One of my pet peeves about being an active member of the LDS (Mormon) faith, and living in Utah, is the idea that somehow the GOP is the "moral" party. (But, hey, Obama winning 34% of the vote here is a real step forward IMO.) My mom often says something like, "We vote Republican because it is more in line with our values." To which I want to pull out my hair and say, "Really? Lying, war, helping the rich over the poor and taking away others' agency is in line with your moral values?" But I don't because, honestly, as Steph points out, there is no way to change my mother's mind. So I just shrug and say, "Whatever. I vote for people, not parties. Like the leadership of the Church recommends." It's a low-blow, but it gets her off her high horse and she leaves me alone.

Anyway, fun fact: Prominent leaders of the LDS Church -- including recent members of the First Presidency -- have been Democrats. You should see congregation members' faces when I point out that their beloved leaders have actually voted *gasp* Democrat.

[tiny]

In my umpteen years of working with seniors one thing stands out boldly…. LOVE One Another…Mom will thrive on love…her heart will follow love…

[Beverly]

We must be sisters! My mom thinks exactly as yours does and it is exasperating to be with her sometimes. I can't win an argument, so I don't even try. I just try to avoid the conversation. What's really sad about this, is that I find myself trying to avoid her sometimes. I'm also careful how much alone time she has with my 8 yr old, who has really become passionate about Democratic politics. Mom feels some neo-conservative, psuedo-religious obligation to set my daughter's thinking right so she is not destined to burn in hell.

On that note, let me direct you to Jim Wallis' blog.
If you are not familiar with Wallis, he is an evangelical pastor and a Democrat. He had a piece on the Huffington post site back in October entitled, "Why I am a Democrat" and he summed up why people of faith should identify with the Democratic party more so than the Republicans. The Democrats don't get a perfect score on faith priorities, but they certainly score better than the Republicans on the issues of poverty, healthcare, the environment, peace, and justice. It is definitely worth a read.

So Daughtercrat, hang in there. We feel your pain!

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